


Scattering The Pieces.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Series: Contrelamontre Soundtrack Challenge Series [2]
Category: GoldenEye (1995), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Community: contrelamontre, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-27
Updated: 2003-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-08 09:13:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/75090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James finally asks why, and Alec breaks. Sequel to Dropping Eaves, an "Outside" soundtrack!fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scattering The Pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the contrelamontre 30 minute soundtrack challenge. Song used was "Always" by Saliva.
> 
> \--
> 
> Was it all just a part of your plan?  
> The pistol's shakin in my hands,  
> and all I hear is the sound.  
> -Saliva

The first time Alec saw him was in Copenhagen. The second, in Kiev. The third, in Prague. By the fourth he had almost allowed himself to lose track. Alec counted the seconds now as he used to count the pillows wasted, lives wasted. Seconds for James to approach the helicopter, seconds spent glimpsing that wonderfully-fitting tux and tails, hard iron. Hard cock, Alec thought and resisted the urge to stroke himself. Soon. Soon James would come to him and they could finally finish this endless game of cat and mouse that had dragged Alec halfway across the world on more than one occasion. That James had no idea was of no import. James would come to him. Of that Alec was certain.

A noise, and Alec cursed his bodyguard. He held himself perfectly still as James paused, and then began again. Alec almost welcomed the sight of the pistol. He had missed it almost as much as he had missed James. After all, it was hard to find one without the other. Even in bed they had both kept personal arms in the drawers by their right hands and switchblades under the pillows. They had probably been the best armed sex fiends in the history of the human race.

James stepped over the imaginary line and Alec couldn't help but grin. Showtime. Hands in his pockets, more to be closer to his cock than his gun, and anticipation eager on his face. "Hello, James."

James froze, looking to all the world like just another statue in the park. But James was no Lenin, or Stalin for that matter.

"Alec?"

It almost wasn't a question, but Alec chose to take it as one. "Back from the dead." 'And aren't you glad to see me?' he wanted to rail. But...best not to scare James. They had been apart too long. Maybe...

Maybe James had moved on.

"No longer just an anonymous star on the memorial wall at MI-6." Except that the memorial wall would have held a cross for him, not a star, as everyone knew Alec was a Catholic. And it would have a blue dot in the center to signify that he went missing while on a mission and his body was never recovered.

And then James said the one word that Alec had ached to hear for so long.

"Why?"

And Alec could no longer help himself. He laughed. At himself, at James, at the sheer irony that the one question he had longer for came after all this time. "Hilarious question, particularly from _you_." Oh, that stung. James winced and Alec knew he had to be thinking that maybe if he had asked, this would all have been different. Ah, but of course it would have. They would have been together. Forever.

And always.

But that wasn't a word in 007's vocabulary, now, was it? Of course not. James had always prided himself on his quick get-aways. He could walk out of anything and never look back, never let show any regret he might be feeling. Alec had seen him do it on more than one occasion. Turned his back on the ones he loved and simply left.

But no more. Alec wasn't letting James out of his sight. He would kill him before he let that happen. James was his. James was only his.

But James was a lover of women. All those years of spying had shown him that. James was never complete without a pretty woman on his arm. Alec was nothing. Only a fling, good enough only after a glass or eight of bourbon, and even then relegated to the bottom.

But James had loved him.

And James had a gun pointed straight at his heart.

'Oh, go ahead, 007. Shoot out the one thing left in me that loves you.' But he couldn't say that. Couldn't watch James' face fall when he heard those hateful words. James was an innocent soul despite all the blood he'd shed. Alec's little cherub.

"Oh, please, James. Put it away." He said instead and watched as James complied. Good ol' James. Always willing to take one for the team.

"I trusted you, Alec."

Trust_ed_. Past tense.

And Alec broke.

"Trust," he said finally, and the word reverberated inside him. James didn't want him. James hated him. James *distrusted* him. James...could live without him and never look back. "What a quaint idea."

Alec almost imagined he saw a tear streak down James' cheek. Almost.

But leave it to James to take a last painful hope and turn it aside. "How did MI-6 screening miss that your parents were Lienz Cossacks?"

Of course. Who cares about the spurned lover? Who cares about the heart breaking at your feet, 007? Who cares about the man you lost?

Who loves the lovers?

"Again, your faith is misplaced." You never trusted me. You never loved me. You never _loved_ me. You never even cared. "They knew." They knew they would be putting son against mother, child against every instinct it possessed. "We're both orphans, James." And you've orphaned me again. And I loved you. Until forever.

And always.

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" James' voice held complete disbelief and Alec felt the Cossack harshness rise. Very well, 007, if that was what you preferred. I can be harsh. I can be cold. I can be every inch the bastard you are.

Except I loved you, as you never did me. No, lover, you were supposed to want me. You were supposed to question me, ask me, care enough about me to wonder why I hid. You were supposed to love me.

And if I can't love you without pain...

No one will have you. No one.

"Closing time, James," Alec said, finally, and gave the signal to the bodyguard. "Last call." Say it, love. Tell me you've loved me all along and this was all a horrible charade. Tell me you still care.

But James only fell, stutters doing nothing to appease Alec's shattered heart.

"For England, James?" Is that what you always worked for? Was I just an assignment that you failed to complete to required specifications? Did they tell you to love me, use me? Break me?

Damn you, James. And I loved you.

Always.

**Author's Note:**

> \--
> 
> I just can't take any more,  
> this life of solitude.  
> I guess that I'm out the door,  
> and that I'm done with you.  
> -Saliva


End file.
